When Marc & I would talk about having kids some day, we wondered if God would bless us with twins someday. We both have twins running in our families and thought for sure we would have twins some day.
After June Bug, we matched with a little boy, also in Arizona. After a few conversations and reading a few comments that his birth mom made to her doctors, we knew this was headed for a fail. Not long after the match, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy and handed him over to the birth father. We were emotionally prepared for that and it really didn’t hit us to hard. Plus, knowing that the baby was with his birth dad and not entering the state system made our hearts happy.
Their mom chose us and we talked on the phone a few times. I feel like we were more guarded with this one. But, like I said before, you have to go all in. You have to start letting that love grow. The kids were so excited. I talked to their birth mom’s advocate and asked that she be as honest as possible with how she felt like things were going. If the whole thing was going to fail, I wanted to be able to prepare our kids. Looking back, let’s be honest, there is no way to measure how an adoption is going to go. It can look all good and then BAM, it goes south fast. Maybe it looks like it is crumbling and then it all works out. Adoption is legit, a total rollercoaster. Our rollercoaster felt like it was never ending.
Marc and I took a trip to Target and got a few fun items for the babies and gifts for mom, flowers and a small necklace. After grabbing breakfast we headed to the hospital and were about to pull into the parking lot when we got the call. The advocate let us know that mom had decided to parent. At first I was sad, how was I going to tell the kids. Then I was mad. Not at her, the birth mom, she has every right to keep her sweet babies. The whole system made me mad. The whole waiting, the yes’s, the no’s – everything. The money spent, gone, no way to re-coop that loss, to have to start over, again.
That phone call, telling our kids, it was so dang hard. They wanted to see photos, but we didn’t answer. We just told them that we were on our way home. They figured it out.
Ultimately, we made it through the loss and knowing that those babies are in their momma’s arms, that was been a major comfort. Marc and I were talking about the financial loss of adoption, the fails and what they cost. He said something that really hit me in a beautiful way. He said that we helped an adoptive family meet June Bug, even though she went into the system. We truly believe that she found her forever family, we have to believe that. We helped a dad to parent and a momma to keep her twins. The cost of adoption is no joke, but we have to believe that we did some good, that we made a difference and that our loss brought joy to 3 families.